If you're a caring, conscientious individual—whether a parent, a worker, or a leader in your community—you probably take your responsibilities seriously. You genuinely want to support others and follow Christ’s example in how you live and serve. Yet, despite your good intentions, you may find yourself overwhelmed, drained of energy, and even battling anxiety.
How do such noble intentions go so wrong?
The answer lies in how our brains interpret people and situations. Sometimes, instead of seeing others as friends, brothers, or sisters in Christ, our minds begin to see them as sources of stress—or even threats. This shift in perception can distort our good-hearted intentions and leave us feeling drained and frustrated.
Here are three common culprits that can twist your efforts into overwhelming burdens and how you can overcome them:
1. Worrying About Other People's Opinions
When we focus too much on what others think of us, we fall into the trap of second-guessing and self-criticism. Instead of asking people directly what they need or how they feel, we often imagine their opinions. Unfortunately, our imagination is frequently informed by our own insecurities. This creates a never-ending cycle of worrying about how others perceive us and trying to meet impossible, imagined standards.
For example, you may find yourself thinking:
- "If I say that, they’ll think I’m foolish."
- "If I give them a suggestion, they'll think I'm arrogant."
- "What if they think I don’t care enough?"
This mental spiral places us in an unwinnable situation. People are diverse, and their perspectives vary widely. Even if you do everything "right," some will still misunderstand or criticize you. The truth is, no one can please everyone.
The Hard Truth:
Even the best, most selfless individuals in history faced criticism. Christ, who was perfect in love and action, was misunderstood, falsely accused, and even crucified. If people could hate Him, they can—and will—criticize us too.
What You Can Do:
- Accept criticism as inevitable. It’s not your job to make everyone happy; it’s your job to live with integrity and honor God.
- Focus on pleasing God, not people. His opinion matters most, and He values authenticity over perfection.
- Reframe criticism. If people with questionable motives or selfish hearts disapprove of you, it’s often a sign you’re on the right path.
Stop trying to control others’ perceptions of you. Focus instead on acting with love, honor, sincerity, and integrity. When your mind shifts from "What do they think of me?" to "What would be the most useful and right thing I can do?" the weight of others’ opinions can fade. Remember God looks at your heart (1 Samuel 16:7) He NEVER surveys for others opinions of you.
2. Fear of Failing Your Own Expectations
High standards can be a gift, pushing us toward growth and excellence. But when those standards become a constant reminder of how far we fall short, they can turn into a source of discouragement and anxiety.
Many of us set expectations for ourselves that are nearly impossible to meet. We expect to be the perfect parent, the ideal friend, the most reliable worker, or the most dedicated Christian. When we inevitably fall short, we feel like failures—even when we’ve given our best effort.
A New Perspective on Standards:
- Progress, not perfection.Instead of measuring how far you are from your ideal, review how far you’ve come from the start. Gritty lasting motivation grows from measuring your progress not the distance you have yet to go Progress is evidence of growth, and growth is the only path to any goal that matters.
- Recognize your limitations. No one operates at 100% all the time. Your best effort on a good day will be different than your best effort on a day when just getting up seems impossible—and that’s okay.
- Redefine success. Success isn’t about achieving perfection but about making an honest effort to do what you can with the resources and energy you have in the moment. Success = your best effort today.
Practical Tip:
Try keeping a journal where you record your wins and progress, Yes, even the very small wins. For example, “Despite feeling rushed,I took time to do a check in call to Jane who missed church for the last two weeks.” Over time, you’ll see evidence of growth, which will inspire confidence and reduce feelings of failure and helplessness.
3. Fear of Letting God Down
As Christians, we rightly prioritize God’s opinion above all others. However, this priority can sometimes be distorted by a misunderstanding of God’s character.
Some of us carry a mental image of God as harsh, judgmental, and constantly disappointed when we fall short of perfection. This couldn’t be further from the truth.
The Truth About God’s Love:
- God loves us as we are.Romans 5:8 reminds us, "While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." He didn’t wait for us to become "good enough" before extending His grace.
- God understands our flaws.He knows we’re imperfect and broken, that through no choice of our own we were born with satan's selfish fear based nature. Rather than condemning us, He offers to fix us – give us a new heart and spirit and remove our birth nature (Ezekiel 36:26)
- God values your effort. Like a loving parent who treasures a child’s scribbled crayon drawing for it's intent not artistic talent, God takes joy in our sincere attempts to follow Him and help others—even when those efforts fall flat.
How to Reframe This Fear:
- Trust that God’s opinion of you is rooted in love, not performance. He values us not just for what we are but also for what we can become through His transforming power.
- Remember that God doesn’t expect perfection—He desires a willing and humble heart.
- Focus on allowing God to work through you, rather than trying to "earn" His approval. Join David in Psalms 51:10 and daily pray that God create in you a clean heart and renew a right spirit within you – a prayer He always answers with a “Yes”.
The Key to Reducing Overwhelm
When helping others feels overwhelming, the solution is often to simplify your focus. Instead of worrying about what others think, whether you’re meeting your own standards, or whether God is pleased, ask yourself:
What does this person truly need, and how can I help within my ability?
When you shift your focus to the needs of others, you free yourself from the weight of self-doubt and fear. Acting with integrity, compassion, and a clear purpose reduces stress and brings peace.
Practical Steps to Apply This Mindset:
- Start with prayer.Ask God for wisdom and guidance in how to serve others effectively.
- Listen actively.Take the time to understand what the other person truly needs, rather than assuming or overthinking.
- Let go of perfectionism.Trust that your genuine effort is enough, even if the results sometimes suck. Remember many responded negatively even to Christ's perfect efforts.
- Review regularly. At the end of each day, thank God for the opportunities you had to help others and focus on what you did well. Mark each of your good choices for the day as a win regardless of the immediate results.
By simplifying your focus, you honor God, reduce stress, and create space to serve others with joy. Remember, your value doesn’t come from what others think or how perfectly you perform—it comes from who you are in Christ and the love you bring to the world.
I am always curious to learn from others. What have you found that works for you when it seems others are a source of stress and overwhelm?